The Sound of Silence

The expression 'personal relationship with God' is one I hear often. And it is a good challenge to those who see God as a far off deity that made the world and left, or for those who want nothing to do with God at all. God is personally interested in humanity, and in you.

 The downside of this expression, I have found in my own life, is that it has a tendency to remove the reverence I might, and should, have for God. And if the God I worship does indeed exist, he deserves utter reverence; he has the power and right to sweep the carpet from underneath the feet of the universe whenever he so chooses. He has in his control the destiny of every living thing, he exists eternally and beyond anything we can comprehend. Our response to this must be one of trepidation and awe.

Somehow, "God" has become second hand for "personal assistant". I have found in my own life a tendency to make it all about my 'personal relationship with God'. I am so desperate to know what it is God wants me to do with my life, I am so desperate to seek spiritual discipline. I seek God's will in my life for direction and forgiveness, for comfort, for peace. I chat away about my own life so freely to God. But it is generally about me. It is a relationship and a faith centred around what I might gain- where I might go next; which career will be fulfilling, which wife I might enjoy the most, which Church I might be most respected in. If I'm honest, I use 'God' to serve my own needs often.

Jesus says: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." 

Should I seek God's will for my life? I should seek first his kingdom. Should I sell all my possessions and go serve the poor? I should seek first his kingdom. Should I seek to be spiritual disciplined? I should seek first his kingdom. Should I apply for this job? Should I marry this girl? Should I go on this conference? Should I go into Church leadership? I should seek first his kingdom. This statement is a conversation stopper for any question I might ask. I should seek first the kingdom of God. Whatever the question is- that is the answer.

Kierkegaard suggests that the response to this is silence. Silence before God; utter reverence of the one who created everything. It seems to me an apt response to the kingdom of God. His glory surely silences and puts into perspective whatever it is that is keeping us up at night. When we seek first the kingdom of God, the worries of this world surely fade into nothingness, like staring at an endless sky of glittering stars which go on for billions and trillions of miles. How absurd does my life and worries start to look when I stare into the kingdom of God?

God is not my personal assistant. He is not a disposable item I use to assist my short time on planet earth, an interest I take up to make my life more manageable and fulfilling. I want 2012 to be a year when I can say with confidence that I am seeking first his kingdom. I want to be able to say I sought God in silence, with reverence and that I was a part of something bigger, something gloriously eternal.

 2012 is crying out for people who are prepared to break the spirit of individualism; in our culture, in our Church, in our world. What would it look like if we sought after the kingdom of God first, and left our own desires and will behind for 2012? What would it look like for the answer to every question I might ask to be- "Seek first the kingdom of God".

Don't neglect the personal, deep and intimate nature of God this year. It is life changing and life giving. Don't stop praying about every worry you might have. I am not claiming we ought to leave behind 'personal relationship with God', but rather that we get a bit of perspective on it. It is for his sake, not for yours. It is for his sake that you are changed, it is for the kingdom of God, not for the kingdom of Josh. 

Shine a Light

I think often we have this idea as Christians that people look at us and see in us something they want. That just being around us is enough to make them realise that we’re ‘distinctive’, that there’s something different about us that they want for their lives and then they become Christians. I’ve heard this idea preached about and talked about so many times. But honestly, I’m not sure how true it is. Firstly, it doesn’t obviously work; if it did then there wouldn’t be as many people that were close to us that weren’t Christians. Surely they would have ‘seen the light’ by now. But as far as I can see, I’ve got plenty of non-Christian friends who are quite happy with their lives, and don’t particularly want what I’ve got. They’re quite happy for me to believe what I believe but they don’t want it. Should my job be to convince them that they need to change?

Jesus says that we’re called to be ‘light of the world’, that we should be distinctive and shine goodness where there is darkness, to show people the glory of the kingdom of God. My worry is that we’ve not got something the world wants anymore. What does the world see in Christian living that it wants? Often I think it sees only frigid, self denying, uptight, sexually frustrated hypocrites. That’s not to say that this is always the case, I think that there are genuine ‘lights’ out there. But I’m not one of them. It’s a little ignorant of us to assume that if our friends were all a little more like us and believed what we did that they would be better off. I think if we have the idea that just by being a Christian we’re a ‘light’ into their lives, we’re mistaken. Of course it could be that the world just can’t realise how much it needs what we’ve got. I’ve often heard the idea that we’re somehow ‘deep down’ happier and more content in a way that a non-Christian can never be. But I know plenty of miserable, grumpy Christians and plenty of genuine contented non-Christians. So what is it that I’ve got that makes me so ‘distinctive’; that makes me ‘light in the darkness’?

God’s promise to Abraham and his descendents was:

“I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse, and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

I think this still is the promise God makes to us today. That because of the blessings he pours on us, that we can be a blessing to this world. The Jews had something that everyone wanted; victory assured in battle, security from their enemies. Today I think the perception of Christianity is that it’s all about moderation and abstinence. We become Christians and believe in God so that we can ‘go to heaven’ when we die, then we live our lives not having sex until we’re married, not getting drunk, not swearing and living by a bunch of out dated moral rules. Basically having less fun than everyone else but not being much different other than that. I think it’s summed up quite well in a Laura Marling lyric: “I sold my soul to Jesus and since then I’ve had no fun”. Rather than looking at Christians and thinking that they’re missing out on something I think most people think that it’s us that are somehow missing out.

If we’re no different to our friends who don’t know Jesus, then this isn’t really surprising. If the difference is that I go to Church on a Sunday, read my bible every day, drink a little less and don’t have sex then I don’t think we really understand ‘distinctiveness’. This isn’t something that the world wants to pursue. And to be honest, I don’t really blame them. If this is the only difference, then how am I in a position to tell someone they should live differently? When Jesus is talking about Salt & Light, I don’t think this is what he meant. The light of the world is not watered down, easy comfortable Christian living. It isn’t living like everyone else with a ‘secret guide’ telling us how to do it better than everyone else. Sometimes we have the tendency to think that Christian living is about living how others live but with our own built in sat-nav telling us what to do next.

If we don’t start seeking real kingdom transformation in our lives then we’re in danger of losing all relevance to this generation of people who are happy with what they’ve got. How can we expect people to change, how can we expect that we will be a blessing if we’ve got nothing to give? The kingdom of God is not an ‘ad-on’ to our lives, an enhancement to what we’re already doing, it is radical transformation. It is denying yourself to seek God's kingdom. Until I can see transformation in my life, I don’t expect anyone to notice what I’ve got, and why should they?

I think the imagery of ‘light’ is quite significant in what Jesus says. If we spend all of our time in comfortable Christianity it’s no wonder we’re not particularly distinctive. Try lighting a candle and putting it outside in the middle of summer. That’s not distinctive. Being ‘light’ requires us to shine in darkness. If we don’t seek darkness, it’s pretty difficult to know how light we’re shining. The whole idea of ‘blessed to be a blessing’ is that we become real change seekers. Not waiting for people notice what we’ve got, but taking light to the darkness. We should become the people that say ‘it’s not right that there are people are sleeping on our streets while we’re sleeping in beds’, ‘it’s not right that people are being trafficked in our cities’, ‘it’s not right that people die of curable diseases every day’. I long to be more radical in my living, to really seek kingdom change, but at the moment I live shining comfortably in the light.

Think of the darkest place you know. The place where there is a real absence of God, where people are just longing for change but can’t get it. Be light there. That’s distinctive. I long to live like this, but honestly most of the time I’m either crippled by doubt or fear. But this is what I think distinctive living really looks like. I want the world to look at me and see a change seeker, a justice seeker, a blessing, a light. At the moment I don’t think it’s any wonder that people don’t want what I’ve got.

The idea that people see something in me that they want can be a real catalyst to laziness, a motivation to stop seeking kingdom change, and just living comfortably among people hoping that they will notice. This is not what I want for my life.