I Can't Turn You Loose

I don't know how you perceive Christianity. You might be vehemently opposed to the very thought of it, you might think of it as a useful worldview to learn from and apply to your life. You might accept its claims wholeheartedly or you might be sceptical of the very concept of  God at all. Whatever you say about it, it seems to be something which the world cannot be rid of easily. Despite widespread secularization in the West, I've only ever belonged to Churches that have been growing in number, seeing people changed and challenged by the concept of faith. There is a common opinion presented by the media and by Dawkins and co. that Christianity is a dying superstition that is based on incoherent premises. It doesn't seem to have much effect. Christianity is pretty stubborn. It is pretty ingrained.

On a worldwide scale, Christianity is definitely thriving in Asia and Africa. Seoul, the capital of South Korea reportedly contains 11 of the world's 12 biggest Christian Churches. Despite widespread persecution and scientific 'enlightenment', faith does not just lie down and give up. 

On a personal level, Christianity is something which refuses to die in my life. Despite three years of  studying Philosophy and intense periods of doubt and scepticism, there is something resilient about the Christian belief that no amount of scrutiny seems to be able to destroy. Call it indoctrination if you like, wishful thinking, naivety, stubbornness, but it would take something remarkable to debunk the foundation of faith from my life.

The reason for this, I reckon, is to do with the very nature of faith. Faith is not belief in a set of propositions, but rather a commitment, a 'leap' beyond that. Faith must be lived. The difference between my faith and the countless theories, concepts and ideas I have studied is that faith leaves the classroom, it leaves the books- it can only be realized lived. In his Easter sermon this year, Rowan Williams said the following: 

"We learn and assimilate its truth [the resurrection] by the risk of living it; to those on the edge of it, looking respectfully and wistfully at what it might offer, we can only say, 'you'll learn nothing more by looking; at some point you have to decide whether you want to try to live with it and in it."

Clear and rational arguments will never get you to the point of belief, they will never coerce you into anything. The reason for this is that faith is something lived, not something thought. It is an action. The resurrection of Christ and the New Testament leaves you with binary options- you're either in, or you're out. You're either following the Christ, or you're not.

You might find it fascinating, you might find the teaching of Jesus useful and applicable. You might rank the Bible up there with other great works of moral and religious teaching. But I sincerely believe that it requires more than this. The very essence of faith is that it requires a leap.

This leap is a constant striving; a constant and life long tension- it is the risk of living it. It is the risk of going beyond mere thinking. From the outside it probably appears foolish and irrational, but this doesn't surprise me at all. I don't think Christianity is going anywhere, precisely because I think that when lived, it holds the keys to true life. I can testify to this personally and in lives of many of those closest to me. But it must be lived, belief is not enough.

Running on Faith

I believe because I can do no other. I wasn't argued into faith, I wasn't persuaded into faith. I became self conscious and I believed. I'm not alone in this. Others can remember the first time they had faith. My mate James for example became a Christian 5 years ago. He was at a festival with me and my friends when he got out of his seat and went to the front to respond and never looked back since. I don't think anyone persuaded or argued him into it. He just got up from his seat and walked into faith. Today he is introducing people to Jesus left right and centre, he is devoting his year to serving God and his Church. It astounds me. All because of that one moment when he leapt into faith.

 Recently I can't get away from the absurdity of faith. Understand me when I say 'absurd'. I don't mean absurd in the sense that we might often hear it. Absurd carries quite a few negative connotations, we might say "The big bang theory is an absurd theory." When we say this we usually mean it's unreasonable or that we disagree with it. When I say that faith is 'absurd that's not quite what I mean. Sartre uses the notion of absurdity to refer to all of existence. Things exist and we are confronted with their existence but there seems to be no meaning behind them. There's some pretty hilariously pretentious pieces (apologies Sartre fanatics) when Sartre talks about being confronted by the absurdity of a tree trunk as a form which confronts his senses but which has no meaning, when we strip away the names we give it, when we experience things as they actually are, we see that they're utterly absurd.

For me that's a pretty good account of faith. I've become increasingly disillusioned with apologetics, with the whole McGrath/ Dawkins spat. It once used to fascinate me, I used to want to be able to argue any atheist into the ground. Now I can't really be bothered. Partly because the arguments don't always convince me, but partly because I think that faith isn't a proposition to be proved at all. Don't get me wrong, there's a use in discussing apologetics if it helps people to see that the Christian faith isn't absolutely bonkers. But it irritates me.

Kierkegaard argued that faith is a paradox, he held that the rational mind cannot ever comprehend God fully or prove that he exists. Faith is all about risk, faith is about leaping into something absurd. I daily leap into the absurd. I choose daily to trust in God. You might have read up to here and think that I'm actually a bit of an idiot. That I've lost a grasp on rationality and am just looking for a way to cling onto some stability that has been indoctrinated in me. Surely that's a possibility, but I don't think it's the truth. You see the thing is we daily leap into the absurd. All of us. None of us can fully understand the universe, the existence of consciousness, life our own existence. When we confront things as they really are, stripped away from all the meaning we bring to them, all we have left is absurdity. Christianity isn't a proposition at all. It's a complete overhaul of my being.

I endorse Christ to you wholeheartedly. I believe that he has redeemed me. That he has set me free from my own self centered universe, I believe that he offers me life eternal. But following Christ is a total worldview. It is a lens that infects every aspect of my existence. It is not something I can be persuaded of in the same way that I can be persuaded that there used to be dinosaurs walking on planet earth. I believe that faith in Christ is the ultimate fulfillment and it brings hope and truth to everything.

But at the same time it's utterly absurd. I cannot tell you why I believe. I believe because I can do no other. I am transformed into faith. That is why I am increasingly frustrated with the limits of rationalism. At some point we all have to leap. That is why Kierkegaard claims that faith is so offensive to rationalism, it threatens the very basis of it. It is a frustrating splinter that cannot be removed, even amidst the tightest argument, there always exists the slightest doubt. I have chosen to leap fully into Christ, and into his promises. I'm not an irrational idiot. But I will constantly fustrate the humanists of this world with my faith. Because faith cannot be eradicated by debate. When we start to enter into the view that rationalism is the only option, faith might diminish, might fade into the background. But I cannot escape the absurd, I cannot shake off faith. It is the most real thing to me.

We need to show faith, we need to model it. That is why I think my friend James leapt into the unknown that day; he saw faith amongst him. I leap every day into what sometimes seems paradoxical and unknown. My hope is that other people will see the power of faith and choose the same.