Breathe

When did I let my life become so mundane? I feel at the moment like I wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, repeat. And somewhere along the line, I've forgotten that I'm actually living. I've allowed myself to stop thinking, to stop reflecting , to stop really breathing.

I realised tonight something so precious that I can't believe I ever forgot it. I'm alive. I'm breathing in the air around me. I exist. When you actually slow down enough to realise that, when you manage to tear yourself away from the mundane life long enough to know that- it is absolutely breathtaking. I can be anything, I can go anywhere, I am free, I exist.

Don't let me ever forget that.

It carries some of the essence of what Jesus said when he says: 

"do not worry about your life" "do not worry about tomorrow" "seek first the kingdom of God".

I find those words so fresh and releasing. So simple when I make things so complicated. At times I get so caught up in my life that I forget I'm actually living, sometimes I get so caught up in the future- where I will be, how I will get by, that I forget who I really am. And Jesus is frank about it- do not worry.  Live. Exist. 

It is so easy to get through weeks, months, years without really living. It isn't about traveling the world or becoming successful- it isn't about eating the most exquisite food or reading more books. It is about taking in every last drop of life- savoring every moment for what it is; realising that life is too short to live for anything other than the present. 

Ultimately life is fickle. Tomorrow is always too far away. It's not long enough until I'm married, until I have enough money, until we have a decent government. The truth is that there will always be another excuse to not really live; there will always be something not right. But ultimately the future is only a distraction from how amazing the present is, on how exhilarating life could be if we dared to really live.

This might be my last blog. This might be my last breath. If it is, at least I will go appreciating life for what it is, knowing that I am alive now and that is truly the most remarkable thing.

Familiar Ground

The man Jesus Christ who existed more than two thousand years ago has had a significant impact both on the culture of his time, and on every subsequent generation since. He has been called a lot of things- a great teacher, a prophet, a heretic, a revolutionary, a messiah. Who do you say he is?

The Jews had waited for centuries for their saviour, their king, to rescue them, to rule them. They expected a hero to come along; save the day, overthrow the Romans and sort everything out. 

 He was hailed as a king as a baby by some travelling star gazers.As he entered into Jerusalem on the last week of his life, people put their cloaks on the road, they cheered, and they hailed him as the one who had come to rescue them. 

But Jesus was never the king they expected.  He wasn't wealthy- he lived in poverty, he didn't ride into battle- he rode a donkey, he didn't overthrow the Roman Empire- he was murdered by them.  He upset the religious leaders; he spoke against the status quo.

And if the same Jesus was around today, the truth is that he probably wouldn't fit in that well with most Christians. I doubt you'd see him at Soul Survivor or Kewsick Convention (that doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with either of these) 

The Church has been stooped in tradition for centuries. Even now, we make Jesus into something we want him to be. He fits in our little box. But Jesus is not what you expect. We make it all about our salvation, we make it about feeding our own conscience. The thing is- we rarely dare to approach Jesus without any pretense. 

He’s not what you expect if you’ve heard a little bit about him. He's not what you expect if you've been trying to follow him for years. He's not what you expect if you've studied theology. The man Jesus has the ability to surprise me, sometimes shock me, confuse me and destroy my way of thinking. The more I read of his life and teachings, the more he fascinates me, the more he challenges me.

  

The theologian Tom Wright puts it like this:

"Jesus- the Jesus we might discover if we really looked- is larger, more disturbing, more urgent than we - had ever imagined...We have reduced the kingdom of God to private piety, the victory of the cross to comfort for the conscience, and Easter itself to a happy, escapist ending after a sad, dark tale. Piety, conscience and ultimate happiness are important, but not nearly as important as Jesus himself”

Who is the real Jesus? What did he stand for? How can I be a person who lives to find out the answers to these questions? 

Love Underlined

"It is LOVE that believes in the Resurrection." Wittgenstein

I am struck as I write this how over complicated I like to make things, with how much depth I like to think about the concept of faith and the purpose of the Church. I think it is vital that we do this. But I am aware right now how simple the truth of Christianity is.

All of the theology that evolves out of the last two thousand years is so vast that I can't even dream of getting my head around it. The number of concepts even in Paul's writings in the New Testament might take me the rest of my life to try and comprehend fully. But it's not the point. I don't mean that it isn't important- but it isn't necessary to the basic truth of Christianity.

The beauty of the Christian Church is that there is no division between a world renown Biology specialist and a simple, uneducated Christian. They are both children of God, and are both welcomed into his Church. Rich, poor, intelligent, stupid, young, old, wrong, right. The reason that this is possible is because the truth of Christianity is overwhelmingly simple. And it is this: faith, and love.

I think of two of Jesus' earliest followers: Thomas and Peter. They represent these concepts of faith and love perfectly. When confronted with a resurrected Jesus their responses are very different. Thomas, like any good historian, philosopher or scientist wants evidence. He demands to see the holes and the marks of the crucifixion. And Jesus' grants him his request. Thomas is confronted with the evidence of the resurrection and he has faith.

While we lack what was available to Thomas today, we are hardly lacking in evidence. We are left to explain how the Christian Church evolved out of the life of this man Jesus who was recorded in history. We are left with four independent accounts of his life, death and resurrection which require a response. They are not easy to dismiss as works of fiction or wishful thinking. They require faith. Like Thomas; when presented with the resurrected Jesus, we have a choice.

But as I think about faith more and more, I am dissatisfied to think about it as a purely objective belief in a historical proposition. Faith in Jesus unlike my belief that Dinosaurs existed requires a complete change in my being. If true, then it requires an upheaval of my entire world view. It is Peter's response to the resurrection that typifies this.

After the death of Jesus, it is recorded that Peter denies Jesus three times. The person that he devoted himself so fully to over the past three years he totally rejects. When he meets Jesus again, risen from the dead, Jesus' first response is not one of evidence but a question: "Peter do you love me? Peter do you love me? Peter do you love me?". Peter is confronted with the resurrected person of Jesus on a deeply personal level.

 And I believe that today the person of Christ asks the same question: "Do you love me?". The basic truth of Christianity is that it requires not only faith, not only a belief in an event, but a total submission to it. It is not a belief based on feeling or subjectivity, but neither is it one based on hard cold fact- it must go beyond that. It is a leap beyond the simple belief in the resurrection. "Do you love me?" is a world shattering, life changing question. It is a question I am still trying to answer. But it is breathtakingly simple.