But I can't deny that God answers my prayers. Three months ago I was so unhappy. I was waiting to go back to University after the end of a long relationship, I had exams to get back to and I didn't really feel any good at my degree, I had to start applying for jobs I didn't want to get. And if I'm honest; I was sceptical that my Church would be as good as it used to be when I got back. I pretty much had no reason or desire to go back to York. So I got on my knees, and I prayed. I prayed with nothing to lose, I pretty much said "I don't really care any more God, whatever you want". If you'd have told me where I'd be on 8th December I wouldn't have believed you. But God answers prayers. He changes things. As much as it confuses me, I can't deny it.
This three months has just taken my breath away how much God has worked in my life. He has totally healed my broken heart; I've been left with this overwhelming sense of joy. God is doing a 'new thing in me'. I'm doing really well in my degree and enjoying it. God is shaping something in me for this next year which is just exciting me so much even though I'm not 100% what it will look like. My Church is just brilliant; it is growing, it is bringing hope to people, even when I couldn't see past an inconvenient afternoon start in a school hall- God had different ideas. God feels closer to me now than he has been, maybe ever. I'm praying like a total nutter. I'm just pretty happy with who I am, where I am and what God is doing in me. That seemed impossible three months ago.
This pretty much sums up my last three months: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert, and streams in the wasteland" God didn't ignore my prayer for help, he sent streams into the wasteland- he sent hope and life where there was none.
Why am I writing this? Just to gloat about how happy I am? Not really. But because I want you to know that God answers prayer. I see it in my life. I can't explain it, but I can see it. The best way I can understand prayer is that prayer changes my heart. It is an eye opener not a magic trick. I pray for God to deal with poverty in my city and then I start to notice the homeless guy at the end of my street. I pray that God would grow my Church and I start to learn how to be a better leader. I pray that God would win battles for me and he makes me stronger. That's the best way I can understand it; prayer is me getting in step with God, it is me learning to notice what he notices, see what he sees. It is being the answers to my own prayers. And I know that God has really changed my heart the more I've prayed.
I think prayer does work like that. But I still don't fully understand prayer. What about when I pray and stuff happens? What about when I pray for a friend who is ill and she is healed? That isn't just my heart that's changing; there's something changing in the physical world. Yet, I've prayed for people who have been healed by God. To be honest with you I struggle to really understand it. But I know that when I pray I increase in faith, I increase in trust and God starts to change my heart. So why wouldn't I pray?
I dare you to pray right now. Don't try and understand it or explain it. Just pray.
